She's Not The One, And That's Okay

She’s not the one, and that’s okay. 

It’s rough trying to convince yourself that she’s not the one for you. Not when you’ve loved her for years and years, through decades and maybe even centuries in a past life. But you’ve loved her, and she’s not the one. It’s hard to comprehend, and terrible to feel but it’s okay. It’s okay, because she’s not the one. As much as you pray and cry out for the Lord to give in and let her love you, she still is not the one. You want her to be the one so badly, you refuse to open your eyes and see that one could be beside you. Everyday, every blink of an eye, every breath and passing moment. You refuse to see her as she sees you, because if she isn’t the one. Then you are not the one. You can love, that is fine. But to love is to expose, and to expose is to give yourself to the world. The world is cruel, and full of unjust punishment. The world does not care for your heart. She is the world, though she cares for your heart. Not romantically, but platonically. What’s so wrong with platonically caring? Why are you so persistent that she’s the one? What is it about her that makes you swoon so? What is it about her that makes you care so deeply, and love so fiercely? Are you Adam? Is she Eve? Or are you Adam and is she Lilith? Have you yet to find your Eve? Or is she standing right beside you, holding your hand everyday -- telling you just how much she loves and cares for you. Yet…you’re stuck on Lilith. She isn’t good for you, not in the way you hope or expect. 

Expect less, otherwise you will hurt more. Do you want to hurt more? Is it in your mind that you must suffer just a little bit longer before He grants you ultimate peace atop a hill in a little old house, with a little old porch and a little old her beside a little old you? 

Your mind is wrong.

It is deceitful, it is harmful, it is terrifyingly heartbreaking. For one to hurt himself in the name of love, is for one to hurt himself in the name of harm. Remove yourself from your ghastly brain for a second, look around and lay your eyes on the world which surrounds you. Do you see it? It’s quite beautiful when you remove the greyish tint that’s plagued your vision for such a long time. This…this is why she’s not the one. She makes the world grey when she withholds her love. She deserves to withhold her love, it’s fair she withholds her love. It’s fair she give her love to someone else. For it is her love, and nobody elses. No, not even yours. You do not own her love, only her and whom she allows to own it. She hasn’t given you the key, yet you insist that you must unlock the door. 

Maybe it's best the door stay locked, because if it becomes open you will fall into the same trap you fell into while it is still closed. Maybe you’ll fall deeply in love again, far worse than now. 

It’s time you let go. It’s been time for you to let go. You say you love her to the moon and back, you say you love her for a million years. Yet, she won’t say the same because she can’t say the same.

 Only because…

She is not the one, and that’s okay. 

If you accept that, maybe you’ll find the one who’s out there…

Waiting for you. 

Kavyun Parker is a full-time author and the 2023 Youth Governor of California. He hails from California City, California but is a born Los Angeles native. None of his major works are yet published, but are soon set to be with his debut novel "In His Defense" sometime this year.